These realities are not easy. In fact, they take great intentionality and vulnerability. It requires a person to open himself or herself up and let God use them in a special way.

The 3 R’s

Relationship

It takes more than knowing a students favorite pizza topping to be in relationship. It takes more than asking students to participate in activities and taking them on trips to be in relationship. Real relationship is about being a part of a student’s everyday, normal life. Sitting with them. Not being afraid to talk to them. Talking to parents. Creating opportunities where they see you smiling, laughing, engaging, eating, and worshipping. Contrary to popular belief, students actually want to see you and be around you. They are craving relationship. They want you to check in on them. They want you to see them for who they are and more. I know that students can sometimes give you the feeling that they don’t want to be bothered. Sometimes that may be true. But, most of the time they need someone to break through all that “teen angst” and engage with them on a personal level. As students build solid relationships of trust and honesty with adults it, ultimately, nurtures that student’s relationship with God.

Take a moment: Think about the best relationship you have ever had. What are some characteristics of that relationship could be helpful in your work, now, with your students?

Real

Students have an incredible super power. They have the ability to know when someone is being authentic with them or not. Early on in my youth ministry career, I made the mistake of not portraying my true self. I wanted to appear “cooler,” “more hip” to a group of students in New York City. I am a Midwest girl! I worked so hard, in our first meeting to impress them with my “cool” NYC attitude that I almost didn’t really notice they weren’t buying it. It wasn’t until I stopped talking and realized that none of them were engaged that it hit me. I remember ending that night early and vowing that the next youth group I would introduce them to the real me.

That next meeting I apologized for not being authentic and not sharing who I was with them. I started to tell them about growing up in Ohio and how interesting it was to be in NYC. I confessed I wasn’t as cool as I wanted them to believe I was. That was a turning point for our group. Slowly, they began to engage. The more I shared about myself, the more they began to share. I realized that I didn’t have to make stuff up to gain their respect or win their interest. The “real” me was more than enough.

There is something about you that is worth sharing. So share it. Being real means you are honest with them about them and about yourself. Not best friends, but honest caring adults willing to share something that could maybe save their life.

Relevancy

The Gospel message will always be relevant, it is the method that has to change. To be relevant is really about how we share this Word of God, this Gospel and make it connect for this generation. Honestly, this kind of sharing and relevancy comes through our relationships and authenticity. When we build strong relationships with our students and are willing to be open and vulnerable, something beautiful happens. The Gospel message comes alive! The themes of love, forgiveness, community, and service are lifted off the pages and put into real life situations.

Often times we can get caught up in old traditions and attitudes and miss opportunities to share the Gospel in fresh and personal ways. We miss the chance to help our students see that even though the world may seem crazy and it is always changing… the Word of God remains the same. And, it is this Word that can be brought into their everyday situations to help navigate all that craziness.

We, as youth leaders, have been called to be in appropriate, spirit led relationship with our students. We are called to offer our real selves to them as living examples of God’s love and work. And, we are called to help our students see and experience the relevancy of the Gospel in their everyday lives. We are called to engage this generation of believers for the building of God’s Kingdom.

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The goal of Spiritual Formation is to develop our spiritual maturity and guide us through a process of being transformed by God as we seek to connect our hearts with God’s heart.

 …to develop our spiritual maturity…

A part of spiritual development is being able to create “sacred space” for our selves and our students so that we can be immersed in God’s presence. Sacred space is that space where we allow God to work. It’s a space we don’t often have with our students because we are busy with so many other things. But, think about what a gift it is to students when we stop talking and teach them to listen for what God has to say. I know that some of our students have the attention span of Cheetos, but we can do them a great disservice when we don’t teach them to listen in the silence, to the Word, and to each other. A very practical way to do this is through Lectio Divina (reading the scripture and repeating it). Or through listening small groups where students share in more intimate settings. When there is space for God to work, in these intimate and quite spaces, we are being developed and nurtured.

… and guide us through a process…

Spiritual Formation is our Divine GPS system getting us from “here to there” on our faith journey. I love that our spiritual development is not something that is random. The role of spiritual formation is to guide us in the process. As we are developing the spiritual lives of our students it is important to remember that we are not the end destination. We are a stop on a much longer journey. And, we must trust that God is working in the whole process and will give us what we need to help students get from where they are to another place, or to another stop on the journey as they move along.

…of transformed by God …

God is in the transforming business. There is a movement of the spirit that is working in, through, and around us. As we, and our students, are developing and moving along this journey God is doing something awesome inside and around and through us. Sometimes we are not even aware of it. Spiritual formation development allows God the open space to work on God’s masterpiece… us. We are a work in progress.

God never stops working on us. When one part seems to be moving along, God turns God’s attention to another part of our souls. In our ministries our prayer is that we are not the only ones invested in our students development. We trust that the process through the journey is met with, at each stop, each point with loving nurturing people to drop something into our students lives. It is up to generations of people who love God to continue to invest in the lives of our students and the pray is that as they are developed they will do the same for generations after them.

… as we seek to connect our hearts with God’s heart.

The reason for all of this is to connect our hearts, and our student’s hearts, to God’s heart! Just like we are all works in progress, we are also all on this continuous journey to know Christ more and to connect our hearts and thoughts and actions to what God is calling us to. Spiritual Formation is all about making that connection. Being “formed” to be like Christ. Being transFORMED in the renewing of our minds. We are always seeking God and seeking more intimacy with God.

Prayer: Dear God, I pray for leaders who are walking alongside students, everyday, on this spiritual journey to draw closer to You. I pray for your boldness and wisdom in their teaching, living, and nurturing. Amen.

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It wasn’t a surprise to him. We had been having this conversation for about 6 months prior. We both knew that it was time for a change. We both had heard from God about beginning the difficult task of me moving on. So, when I slide the paper over to him, he was not shocked. He smiled, slightly and said, “Well, we have some work to do.” He assured me that he would be with me every step of the way. Then he asked me what I needed. I told him that I wanted to “end well.”

I wanted to end strong and end well. For me that meant that I wanted to do the work of making sure that the ministries that were under my charge were prepared for the transition. I wanted to be careful and mindful of the people who I had served, and who had served me in so many ways. I wanted to have as much passion as I did going out as I did coming in. I wanted the congregation to feel as though they were sending me and not simply saying farewell or letting me go. I wanted them to see that this transition was not just about moving on, but it was a response of gratitude for what God had done in my life and the life of the church. I was thankful, and I hoped they would be too, for the years of service, favor, wisdom, grace, and blessings that we all received in our time together. And, my goal was to honor those very things by being obedient with what I heard God calling me to in the next season.

And, so we began the journey of ending well.

What I Learned About Ending Well

As I transitioned out of that ministry, I learned some valuable lessons. But, here are the three things that helped me the most.

1. Above all else, honor God in your work. It would have been easy for me to slack off as soon as I turned in that letter. But, I had to keep in mind that just because it was my last months or weeks of work at this place, it was not my last month or week of work forever. As ministers of this Gospel and workers in this calling we are charged to honor God in all our work… no matter how long we’ve been there or how long we have left there. Honoring God in all our work means holding up the same expectations and standards on the last day of a job as we did on the first day of the job.
2. Give yourself and others time to transition. Many would argue about the amount of time between when a person resigns and when they actually are gone. I chose a different route than some by staying for 4 months after my resignation went out. I did this because I wanted to offer time for the young people, especially, who I had built strong relationships with. I also wanted to be able to help the staff and volunteers with all the things that come with a leader leaving a ministry. Some of those things might be delegating work to specific staff or volunteers in the interim, helping to plan for the months ahead, helping to connect others to relationships that maybe only you have built over time.
3. Celebrate being sent! Leaving a ministry can be a really, really difficult time. It was not the easiest or smoothest time in my life. But, I learned that I had to change my perspective on the situation. The congregation had blessed me with many opportunities to serve, mess up, win, lose, grow, give, and lead. I was so grateful for what they had instilled in me. I was grateful for what they empowered me to do as my ministry was being shaped. And so, my last day was a celebration of being sent out into the world to “go make disciples.” It was a time to rejoice in the fact that God calls all of us to live in the knowledge that God could do “exceedingly and abundantly and immeasurably more than we can dare to ask or imagine.” They were sending me. Releasing me to use what they helped shape to share with others.

Ending well is not easy. It takes a lot of prayer, support, and commitment. But, with God’s help you can transition out of a ministry with integrity and peace as God leads you to your new adventure.

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